I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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