ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
