My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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