I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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