Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
