he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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