If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
