And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
