They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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