If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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