So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
