Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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