Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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