just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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