would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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