So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
