is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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