But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize