just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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