i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
