I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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