well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
