I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
