one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
