Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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