Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
