somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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