It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
