oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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