I got chris browned last night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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