I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
