I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
