Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
