How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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