yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize