Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
