Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
