one two three fourrrrnication!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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