y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
