its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
