I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
not ubering you a puppy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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