apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
