So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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