ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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