Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
