Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
