Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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