Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
