and she was petting her beer can
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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