Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
