Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
