this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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