the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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