i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
