You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
