you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
