My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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