I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
