She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
