All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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