; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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