Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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