I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize