i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
