I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
