ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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