Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
