Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
